phrases I never understood:- “pull your socks up” – in what way will that help?

“you treat this house like a hotel” – yes, I eat and sleep here if that’s what you mean?

“were you born in a barn?” – you were there, surely you should know!

“cheap at half the price” – well it would be, but it’s full price so that doesn’t help, does it?

“if you’re at a loose end” – what is that? where would I find one of those?

“you should always wear clean underwear in case you get run over by a bus” – surely if I saw a bus coming towards me even the cleanest of underwear wouldn’t be clean any longer?

“well where did you last see your keys” – surely if I knew that I wouldn’t be asking for your help…

“if you go any slower, you’ll stop” – see my mum had common sense, so what happened to me?

lies my mum told me as a child:-

“if the wind changes direction, your face will stay like that” – is that scientifically proven?

“if you eat your bread crusts, it will make your hair curly” – so why would I want to do that?

“if you eat apple pips, they’ll grow in your tummy” – is that why I have twigs for legs?

“stop it! I won’t tell you again” – if only that was the case!

“you’ll get ulcers if you lie” – what? why? how?

“carrots help you see in the dark” – no need for infared equipment everyone – just plenty of carrots!